Sit down and make yourself comfortable, it would be delightful if you brewed yourself a cup of tea or coffee...prepared your mind for the story I'm about to tell you. A real story painted in abstract notes. Notes that I only pray I can convey,

Be patient with me. This story could span books and I only have a few pages. Only minutes to explain something that changed my whole life, and something that undoubtedly has at some point changed yours too.

It started with a physical issue, a breaking in my screen, a broken plug, erratic wifi connection.

But often when things break on the outside it's only a reflection of what's breaking inside.

The shells I built were so convincing even I was sold

I am living a life worth something  

I blog, I write, I find pretty pictures, my readers love me and my work

But you see, life doesn't revolve around what everything thinks of you and what you are able to do

Life revolves first and foremost around who you are in your truest essence and sadly...the online world proves absolutely nothing

And the break on the outside got me brewing on the inside

If all this was gone... who would I be?

No one

You cannot build your identity on sand castles, please please do not build your identity on such frail structures or you will break and fade away so pitifully.

That summer was difficult

Denial was as hot and strong as the humid air hanging above me

I tripped, I fell, I saw, I experienced

I changed

I started to bear the marks of one who has really begun to live life

No not a beautiful one, simply the jungle forest of good and bad all mixed up and shaken up.

I started to realize in the very scariness of the moment that everyone was so fatally flawed

And i was only a speck in the world, nothing special...yet somehow that knowledge felt incredibly empowering

It was alright to let go of the old bandages striping my pale deprived skin

I became truer to myself

More honest to God

Less perfect

More primal

Shedding the skins until I reached the very core

And until that moment I did not realize that it takes time, it takes change and an endless chain of digging and discovery and mistake making to find the truth in its nature

Don't get me wrong, Solomon was right when he said that knowledge is a curse.

Knowledge is a curse

But my ignorance was never a blessing

Those who are conceived in a place filled with confusion, a sustenance of false beliefs...

They are often so giving of heart, many times the resentment doesn't start at the continuous statements like

"It's a waste of time...you are absent minded and slothful and undisciplined" which all translates to disappointment in YOU

No many of us just throw on layer on layer of goodness to conceal the wound. If i will be good enough, perhaps this too shall pass.

But no.

Somethings never change

And so we, I must change

The breaking on the outside only reflects the breaking on the inside

The intense urgency to repair

To grow back to completion before slipping into oblivion

I will be never done growing

But my heart has been watered

Unconscious to those around me I didn't see that among the wolves there were sheep like me 

All a little bit different but many with arms open

So first of all thanks to God

Then thanks to me, thanks to the little voice inside urging me to do something crazy...the voice knew what it was saying

Then last but not least thanks to my friends, my family, the random strangers fingerprints...the prayers, the believing in me, never judging me as I started to be really ME, holding my hand along the way and never letting me doubt that my heart though imperfect was full of blossoming potential.

So? Three things

1. I am so ready to be back here and be shamelessly myself and bring you all kinds of wonderful, raw and constantly improving content

2. Find friends, find people who will listen and listen back...don't stay with toxic people if you can possibly avoid it

3. Listen to the little voice screaming inside your head


 //Tell me all about the big and little things you've been learning, the things that have "changed your life" so to speak. And also how are you all, how have you been growing? I really want to hear from everyone <3 comment below!

Once again it's been a while. I think that's an on brand thing for me these days.

College and the senior year of high school combined is something else so I'll continue to be absent around here but I will try to post once a month and remind everyone that I'm still alive! ;) But this month I'm super excited to be presenting to y'all a collaboration with WONDERFUL

*Drumrolllllllllllllllllllllllllll*

IVIE

So what's the collab? We spent September reading Ecclesiastes together and discussing it (when our busy schedules would allow xD) but I would a 100% do it again. There's nothing like having that motivation and partnership to read the Bible. There were so many moments when the devil attacked me and told me I was too busy and then by some wild sort of coincidence (not really) Ivie would text me something i really needed to hear. God sure knew what he was saying about there being strength in numbers.

ANYWAY RAMBLE OVER…

On to the collab!

IVIE'S PERSPECTIVE

Hello, everyone! Thanks, Anna, for having me here. <3

So, Ecclesiastes is a very deep book, filled with a lot of knowledge and wisdom. Upon first glance, you might think it to be depressing. It starts off with someone known as The Preacher or The Teacher depending on what translation you use. The Preacher is often known for saying everything is vanity. That can be a huge downer. But, if you look a little closer and a little deeper, you’ll find this book can impart just as much wisdom as Proverbs can.

As I went through my reading, I took some notes of things that really stuck out to me.

“...all is vanity and grasping for the wind.”

This stuck out to me a lot. The Preacher kept saying everything was done in vain because we all die in the end. This was depressing to see at first, but the deeper you dive into the book, the more knowledgeable it becomes.

As the book goes on, the Preacher goes on to say that there is a time for everything under Heaven and purpose behind all that happens on this Earth.

This meant a lot to me. In the season of life I’m in right now, there’s a lot of chaos going on, things that I wish I could change, but I can’t right now. And it’s hard. But I know that this is a season of growth and change for me, that I’m learning something and all these battles I’m facing are for a greater purpose. This brings me encouragement

I could go on and on about the knowledge of this book, but here are some key things I took from my time reading it:

- Everything has a purpose.

-Being wise is better than being popular.

-Selfish labor of the hands is in vain. Nothing done selfishly will bring any good.

-Never make vows because you never want to give your word and not keep it.

-Be slow to anger and be patient.

-Obey authority. (This is a big one since many don’t seem to do that)

-Enjoy life because we all have the same outcome.

-Be diligent in seeking God early in life.

-Having God in our lives will help us withstand the storms that will be thrown at us.

This study brought me lots of joy and it taught me a lot about wisdom and life. I fail everyday to seek God first, but that is something I choose to work on. God doesn’t make me seek Him. I have to actively pursue Him.

And I fail, but He is there, waiting for me as I run to Him. He has my life in His hands and I trust Him.

To me, God is everything. Yet, I often neglect my time with Him, something I really want to improve on.

Guess what? It’s okay to not be perfect. That was Jesus. We are not Jesus.

We are God’s children and we fail everyday. But He loves us anyway and He watches out for us all the time.

And I can have peace knowing that.  

ANNA'S PERSPECTIVE

Nothing makes sense

How many times in your life have you been at that point?

When nothing makes ANY more sense.

I know I have been, and so when I opened the book of Ecclesiastes maybe for the millionth time for some reason I chose to see it with new eyes. Not eyes that had read this all before. And boy it hit home.

The story of a person who has tried it all and yet is still lacking all.

Actually not of any person, the story of one of the wisest persons. I don’t know about you but that never fails to bring me some comfort. That Solomon, one of the wisest persons in the entire bible was asking himself these questions just like all of us.

In no way could i possibly cover the mine of gold I reaped from Ecclesiastes but I will try to recount some of those eye openers for you.

“The more you know

The more you hurt

The more you understand

The more you suffer”

Boy something about this verse hit so close to home. Yet I came to a big realization during this verse. Remember that quote in Divergent? “Fear doesn’t shut you down, it wakes you up.” I think it’s a lot like that. Yes, pain can shut you down but if used in the right way it can wake you up.

I feel like as a whole society we appreciate distraction from our pain and in fact we have developed these mechanisms to numb us and distract us from all the brokeness in our world.

There is a time for everything,

   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,

   a time to plant and a time to uproot,

   a time to kill and a time to heal,

   a time to tear down and a time to build,

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

   a time to mourn and a time to dance,

   a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

   a time to search and a time to give up,

   a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

   a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

   a time for war and a time for peace.

I love this chapter so much because number one it’s sheer poetry.(as a poet stuff like that excite me irrationally) And also that no matter how bad everything is now there will be a different time under the sun.

And because I don’t want to make this too long, I'll cut to the end.

The MOST important part of all

That after all that life is. The sensible, the insensible. The big loop of confusion it can be...only one thing really matters.

Now all has been heard;

   here is the conclusion of the matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments,

   for this is the duty of all mankind.

For God will bring every deed into judgment,

   including every hidden thing,

   whether it is good or evil.

And this is what it really means. Despite the changing times, the difference of the lives we live, our comparable judgements. To enjoy life while we are here but most importantly follow in the steps of Jesus.

Powered by her love of creating new realities, Ivie Brooks began writing at the age of fifteen. Armed with a love of words and the joy of escaping reality for a little while, she pens stories of all lengths on her purple laptop. When she's not writing (because, unfortunately, she can't write all the time) she's most likely dreaming about her next novel or chasing plot bunnies in her head.

You can find her at Ivie Writes, her blog, or Ivie Brooks, Author, her website.

 

What do y’all think? Any lessons you have learned from Ecclesiastes and any thoughts about our observations?

Also could you do me a huge favor and comment your blog links down below because my blogger app is wacky and I’d read your posts on my phone so PLEASE SHARE!

Annie's website

Today we're going to visit the MindsetSpacecraft™

(it's gonna be a long visit but please...PLEASE hang on until the end. It's super important!!!) 

"What in the world is the MindsetSpacecraft™?" you ask

As weird and unknown as it sounds, you've probably been on it one time or the other. It has countless rooms and divisions...in fact MindsetSpacecraft™ is so attractive and desirous you probably got on without even knowing. It's shiny and beautiful and it only takes a glance to see this spaceship contains everything you've ever wished for. 

But let me break your illustrious illusion for a nitty gritty behind the scenes tour. Squint a bit and you'll notice that MindsetSpacecraft™ seems to flicker from it's beauty to a junkpile. It's one of the most confusing phenomenons, how this being seems to change under different lights and perspectives. It's almost dangerous and daunting and I don't blame you for denying what you've just seen. Because that's exactly how tempting & hopeful the MindsetSpacecraft™ is.

Now meet the owner of the ship:Captain Expectation, He is tall and handsome. Beware as we speak to him, he has bewitched thousands to attachment. I don't know if it's something in his dazzling dark eyes or if it is his enveloping presence. How he places his hand ever so gently on yours at the right time, binding you to adoration for eternity. Even I, who has known him since forever, struggle to resist his draw.

 Here, let us follow him through the rooms his spaceship contains, meet the passengers of this famed utopia. 



"Hello Kass!" I hail a girl with long brown hair, her eyes strangely glazed...her smile faint. She stands in the hallway carrying a large phone. We all can't help notice how perfect she is, from her almond eyes to her straight white teeth, her makeup is minimal and impeccable. Her clothing are in the latest style, a smooth white body skimming dress that seems to sparkle against her smooth light brown skin. Kass has been here for a very long time. Not many people can undergo the stress of the MindsetSpacecraft™ the way she has. 


"She seems to have made it!" you whisper to me as we follow her and the Captain down the hallway. 
"Ahh..." I look at Kass with pity. "But for all her beauty and poise she is fake. Her skin bleached, her eyes operated on, her eyelashes glued on, her body a product of decades of work and injections. She looks perfect doesn't she? Almost unreal, yet she can't stop, can't accept that even at this level she is perfect."
You seem shocked, amazed that this could even be possible. 
"Would our guest care to visit the cafeteria?" Captain swivels around.
We both nod and follow his quickening steps. I know that there is no possible resistance to any of Captain's requests, especially not one so easy.

Passing by a bustle of noise in Cafeteria #1: Yellow Zone...I notice your eyes widen and you smile. Everyone in that room seems to be attired in cozy sweaters, someone wears a dress with winking kitties all over it. People bury their noses in thick books while sipping steaming mugs. "Trying to catch up with my TBR!" A blonde guy yells as he serves his meal. He's explaining his double tasking to a curious visiting girl from the Blue Zone.

But Cafeteria #1: Yellow Zone is not our destination, Captain hurries us over to Cafeteria #3:Green Zone. Kass sucks her breath in before she enters, you grimace noticing the sparse company and contents of the cafeteria.Captain notices "Dear guest, we must be careful to respect our goals and expectations, green zone is where Kass belongs." 

Kass' hand quivers, she slides her phone into her Kate Spade purse and picks up the salad tongs gingerly. For the abundance of healthy green things in this cafeteria she makes a salad that looks incredibly delicious. Arugula greens scattered with roasted pecans, chickpeas, cranberries and the tiniest drizzle of hazelnut oil. 

We sit down at one of the tables. You try not to laugh because Kass is practically shooting her meal with her phone camera. I on the other hand bite my lip. I know what follows. 
"Would you care to follow me on Instagram?" she says brushing a tiny crumb of her lap."My username is Kass_Herschlifestyle"

 "Sure!" You smile thinking of your own tiny instagram page. 

Many hours later, after watching Kass blog, photoshoot, order new products, fix a minor online shop problem with a specialist, and a gym visit. It is already 2 o'clock. Our day has flown by.

"(your name in this blank), you seemed to enjoy the Yellow Zone...how about we spend the remainder of our visit there?" Captain suggests, smiling at you. I can only imagine how your heart floats in your chest right now. 


"Of course." You barely breathe. The Yellow zone is my favorite too for it is the home of the most low ranking, under appreciated artists. Artists that are just like me. 

"Hey cap!" We recognize the same blonde haired guy that was reading his book in the cafeteria earlier. He has a dimpled smile, messy hair and freckles span his gaunt face. Most wouldn't consider him attractive but I find him charming enough. He sits at the table his fingers hammering even while we stand around him. "Trying to finish this first draft..." He explains apologetically glancing at Captain Expectation. 

"Does he ever go outside? He looks so pale! When it's nice out, i work on my book outside!" You whisper loudly to me.

"Not part of my aesthetic." He grins at the screen, because you whispered a little too loud. "I go to get enough vitamin D, but it's not my thing. I can always see what things look like on Pinterest, plus the world looks better that way."

Your jaw drops in shock and I give you a knowing look. After all, the MindsetSpacecraft™ is a strange place, while you refused to see the flicker to a junkpile in the beginning you will learn the hard way what a deceiving and horrible place this is.

"I needdd chocolate but I wanna finish this!" He whines. Most of the afternoon is spent this way, I read one of the books on his physically towering TBR. Captain scrolls his tablet for new recruits and you bring Boswell chocolate and whatever else he demands while trying to make small talk. I can tell you are deeply disappointing because one of his published books is your favorite but he simply cannot peel his eyes of his own work to appreciate one of his fans. It ruins all the charm he could have.



"Well my dear guests, unless you choose to stay...it's time to say farewell." Captain interrupts me in the middle of my book. 

I sigh looking at the setting sun outside of the spacecraft windows. My eyes close for a moment and I breathe a silent prayer for all those stuck here. Boswell has finished his typing and the library is strangely silent. Only a silent buzz plays in the background. I will myself to stand.

"Come on..." I take your hand and we walk out of the large library and into the hallways. 

"What's that!?" you run to one of the wall and press your ear against it. A creak back and forth, back and forth. Peeking into the slightly cracked door we see Boswell, rocking back and forth on his rocking chair. Tears running down his cheeks, his fists clenched as he stares at the setting sun across him. The light floods his face and his voice cracks as he begins to cry. I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. the words appear all over the walls of his cabin. 
 

You turn to me deeply disturbed. I nod and my chest rises, it hurts me too. 
"You didn't follow Kass..." I try to change the subject while teaching you a different lesson.


Our walking slows and you raise your head from your phone as we walk down the spaceship ramp into the desolate wilderness.

"Here she is...well would you look at that!" You click on her latest instagram post, it is the picture of the salad she took at lunch. It looks so different, yes it looked delicious at lunch but here it looks perfectly irresistible, its colors popping 10 times brighter than before. Your eyes wander down to the caption.

"Feeling empowered today, diet is such a huge part of feeling happy! Eating well helps me feel more beautiful and strong. What does it do for you? Also make sure to enter the latest giveaway on my blog!
#powerday #joysoflife #goodfood #foodphotography #happy #KassHersch"

Your interest turns into confusion, a frown. "She didn't look happy at all! For goodness sake I only saw her smile in the photoshoot and that was as fake as smiles come! But I don't know...maybe-"



"Turn around." I nod towards the MindsetSpacecraft™ which we are yards away from already. 

You gasp. The shiny beautiful craft is a dented, dull, horrid pile of trash. It's beauty has turned into a landfill. Screams fill the landscape, a strange sound rattles...it is the sound of shackles and chains, the cries that come are so heartbroken, the faces that appear from the ruins so destitute that you cannot help but break down.

Your hands fly to your face in horror as helpless tears streak your face.

Because the beauty you imagined was all a lie, and now that this harsh reality has woken you up  
you can see

The kisses you desired from Expectation were hard punches.
The neat divisions, the personalities were empty shells.
The goals and schedules were shackles and chains.
The Mindset was just a huge ugly lie

A huge ugly lie to keep you going
to keep you from finding the life you were meant to live
to chain beauty and enslave humanity 





Dear Generation,
Don't get aboard the MindsetSpacecraft™
It hurts to get on and it hurts even more to get off
We've lost people to it.
We're losing more than ever to
Depression, Anxiety, Mental Disorders
And the even more painful progression to
suicide and crime. 
Captain Expectation doesn't care, his last name is society. He doesn't love you and he never will.
You can work your butt off but it'll never be enough for him. Turn to the Captain that removes chains, His name is Jesus. He'd die for you.

Dear Generation,
Be kind.
We're all scarred here.
We're all working through varying levels of pain. 
We all believe in different things
We all have our own tastes, the things we love to do...
but deep deep down
under this skin, under these bones
we each have a beating heart
the same blood
we're all human here, we're connected
let's stop hurting each other
We all make mistakes, but let's stand up
Understand that we can't always understand

Here is my hand to hold
My ear tries to listen but it fails so often
My heart wants to love but it fears so much
My hands want to heal but they break so many things
My arms are open but I have myself to protect

But under all this
under all my shortcomings
under my image 
under my worn out heart
i care...