*imagine header*

{ *cries because I can't even insert any pics in this post*}

Hello my frens!

Today's post is going to be (very) short and sweet. As many of you know I'm dealing with butchered wifi and loading and working on any online things is becoming a pain. Also with April nano coming up I will be taking a hiatus all month to focus on writing and finishing this school year strong. BUT I have an announcement to make. The FIRST week of April I am going to have a surprise on the blog! I've partnered with some incredible poets to bring you a collaborative week of poetry. This will happen on the first week of April and after that POOF I will disappear. Also I deeply apologize but I will probably not be able to answer to your comments because of my wifi issue. But despite that I love y'all and will be reading your comments. Thank you for sticking with me. :)

{ *cries even more because, hey no arrows today...*}

xD

Today we're going to visit the MindsetSpacecraft™

(it's gonna be a long visit but please...PLEASE hang on until the end. It's super important!!!) 

"What in the world is the MindsetSpacecraft™?" you ask

As weird and unknown as it sounds, you've probably been on it one time or the other. It has countless rooms and divisions...in fact MindsetSpacecraft™ is so attractive and desirous you probably got on without even knowing. It's shiny and beautiful and it only takes a glance to see this spaceship contains everything you've ever wished for. 

But let me break your illustrious illusion for a nitty gritty behind the scenes tour. Squint a bit and you'll notice that MindsetSpacecraft™ seems to flicker from it's beauty to a junkpile. It's one of the most confusing phenomenons, how this being seems to change under different lights and perspectives. It's almost dangerous and daunting and I don't blame you for denying what you've just seen. Because that's exactly how tempting & hopeful the MindsetSpacecraft™ is.

Now meet the owner of the ship:Captain Expectation, He is tall and handsome. Beware as we speak to him, he has bewitched thousands to attachment. I don't know if it's something in his dazzling dark eyes or if it is his enveloping presence. How he places his hand ever so gently on yours at the right time, binding you to adoration for eternity. Even I, who has known him since forever, struggle to resist his draw.

 Here, let us follow him through the rooms his spaceship contains, meet the passengers of this famed utopia. 



"Hello Kass!" I hail a girl with long brown hair, her eyes strangely glazed...her smile faint. She stands in the hallway carrying a large phone. We all can't help notice how perfect she is, from her almond eyes to her straight white teeth, her makeup is minimal and impeccable. Her clothing are in the latest style, a smooth white body skimming dress that seems to sparkle against her smooth light brown skin. Kass has been here for a very long time. Not many people can undergo the stress of the MindsetSpacecraft™ the way she has. 


"She seems to have made it!" you whisper to me as we follow her and the Captain down the hallway. 
"Ahh..." I look at Kass with pity. "But for all her beauty and poise she is fake. Her skin bleached, her eyes operated on, her eyelashes glued on, her body a product of decades of work and injections. She looks perfect doesn't she? Almost unreal, yet she can't stop, can't accept that even at this level she is perfect."
You seem shocked, amazed that this could even be possible. 
"Would our guest care to visit the cafeteria?" Captain swivels around.
We both nod and follow his quickening steps. I know that there is no possible resistance to any of Captain's requests, especially not one so easy.

Passing by a bustle of noise in Cafeteria #1: Yellow Zone...I notice your eyes widen and you smile. Everyone in that room seems to be attired in cozy sweaters, someone wears a dress with winking kitties all over it. People bury their noses in thick books while sipping steaming mugs. "Trying to catch up with my TBR!" A blonde guy yells as he serves his meal. He's explaining his double tasking to a curious visiting girl from the Blue Zone.

But Cafeteria #1: Yellow Zone is not our destination, Captain hurries us over to Cafeteria #3:Green Zone. Kass sucks her breath in before she enters, you grimace noticing the sparse company and contents of the cafeteria.Captain notices "Dear guest, we must be careful to respect our goals and expectations, green zone is where Kass belongs." 

Kass' hand quivers, she slides her phone into her Kate Spade purse and picks up the salad tongs gingerly. For the abundance of healthy green things in this cafeteria she makes a salad that looks incredibly delicious. Arugula greens scattered with roasted pecans, chickpeas, cranberries and the tiniest drizzle of hazelnut oil. 

We sit down at one of the tables. You try not to laugh because Kass is practically shooting her meal with her phone camera. I on the other hand bite my lip. I know what follows. 
"Would you care to follow me on Instagram?" she says brushing a tiny crumb of her lap."My username is Kass_Herschlifestyle"

 "Sure!" You smile thinking of your own tiny instagram page. 

Many hours later, after watching Kass blog, photoshoot, order new products, fix a minor online shop problem with a specialist, and a gym visit. It is already 2 o'clock. Our day has flown by.

"(your name in this blank), you seemed to enjoy the Yellow Zone...how about we spend the remainder of our visit there?" Captain suggests, smiling at you. I can only imagine how your heart floats in your chest right now. 


"Of course." You barely breathe. The Yellow zone is my favorite too for it is the home of the most low ranking, under appreciated artists. Artists that are just like me. 

"Hey cap!" We recognize the same blonde haired guy that was reading his book in the cafeteria earlier. He has a dimpled smile, messy hair and freckles span his gaunt face. Most wouldn't consider him attractive but I find him charming enough. He sits at the table his fingers hammering even while we stand around him. "Trying to finish this first draft..." He explains apologetically glancing at Captain Expectation. 

"Does he ever go outside? He looks so pale! When it's nice out, i work on my book outside!" You whisper loudly to me.

"Not part of my aesthetic." He grins at the screen, because you whispered a little too loud. "I go to get enough vitamin D, but it's not my thing. I can always see what things look like on Pinterest, plus the world looks better that way."

Your jaw drops in shock and I give you a knowing look. After all, the MindsetSpacecraft™ is a strange place, while you refused to see the flicker to a junkpile in the beginning you will learn the hard way what a deceiving and horrible place this is.

"I needdd chocolate but I wanna finish this!" He whines. Most of the afternoon is spent this way, I read one of the books on his physically towering TBR. Captain scrolls his tablet for new recruits and you bring Boswell chocolate and whatever else he demands while trying to make small talk. I can tell you are deeply disappointing because one of his published books is your favorite but he simply cannot peel his eyes of his own work to appreciate one of his fans. It ruins all the charm he could have.



"Well my dear guests, unless you choose to stay...it's time to say farewell." Captain interrupts me in the middle of my book. 

I sigh looking at the setting sun outside of the spacecraft windows. My eyes close for a moment and I breathe a silent prayer for all those stuck here. Boswell has finished his typing and the library is strangely silent. Only a silent buzz plays in the background. I will myself to stand.

"Come on..." I take your hand and we walk out of the large library and into the hallways. 

"What's that!?" you run to one of the wall and press your ear against it. A creak back and forth, back and forth. Peeking into the slightly cracked door we see Boswell, rocking back and forth on his rocking chair. Tears running down his cheeks, his fists clenched as he stares at the setting sun across him. The light floods his face and his voice cracks as he begins to cry. I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. the words appear all over the walls of his cabin. 
 

You turn to me deeply disturbed. I nod and my chest rises, it hurts me too. 
"You didn't follow Kass..." I try to change the subject while teaching you a different lesson.


Our walking slows and you raise your head from your phone as we walk down the spaceship ramp into the desolate wilderness.

"Here she is...well would you look at that!" You click on her latest instagram post, it is the picture of the salad she took at lunch. It looks so different, yes it looked delicious at lunch but here it looks perfectly irresistible, its colors popping 10 times brighter than before. Your eyes wander down to the caption.

"Feeling empowered today, diet is such a huge part of feeling happy! Eating well helps me feel more beautiful and strong. What does it do for you? Also make sure to enter the latest giveaway on my blog!
#powerday #joysoflife #goodfood #foodphotography #happy #KassHersch"

Your interest turns into confusion, a frown. "She didn't look happy at all! For goodness sake I only saw her smile in the photoshoot and that was as fake as smiles come! But I don't know...maybe-"



"Turn around." I nod towards the MindsetSpacecraft™ which we are yards away from already. 

You gasp. The shiny beautiful craft is a dented, dull, horrid pile of trash. It's beauty has turned into a landfill. Screams fill the landscape, a strange sound rattles...it is the sound of shackles and chains, the cries that come are so heartbroken, the faces that appear from the ruins so destitute that you cannot help but break down.

Your hands fly to your face in horror as helpless tears streak your face.

Because the beauty you imagined was all a lie, and now that this harsh reality has woken you up  
you can see

The kisses you desired from Expectation were hard punches.
The neat divisions, the personalities were empty shells.
The goals and schedules were shackles and chains.
The Mindset was just a huge ugly lie

A huge ugly lie to keep you going
to keep you from finding the life you were meant to live
to chain beauty and enslave humanity 





Dear Generation,
Don't get aboard the MindsetSpacecraft™
It hurts to get on and it hurts even more to get off
We've lost people to it.
We're losing more than ever to
Depression, Anxiety, Mental Disorders
And the even more painful progression to
suicide and crime. 
Captain Expectation doesn't care, his last name is society. He doesn't love you and he never will.
You can work your butt off but it'll never be enough for him. Turn to the Captain that removes chains, His name is Jesus. He'd die for you.

Dear Generation,
Be kind.
We're all scarred here.
We're all working through varying levels of pain. 
We all believe in different things
We all have our own tastes, the things we love to do...
but deep deep down
under this skin, under these bones
we each have a beating heart
the same blood
we're all human here, we're connected
let's stop hurting each other
We all make mistakes, but let's stand up
Understand that we can't always understand

Here is my hand to hold
My ear tries to listen but it fails so often
My heart wants to love but it fears so much
My hands want to heal but they break so many things
My arms are open but I have myself to protect

But under all this
under all my shortcomings
under my image 
under my worn out heart
i care...

{ pics via pinterest }

Not many books do what Heartless did to me. *intense feelings to follow alert*

I dragged this book from place to place deliriously: in the car (even though it makes me sick and I haven't been that desperate for ages), onto the treadmill, classes, hallways waiting to be picked up, into the bathroom alternating doing my makeup while reading, in my room while I made my bed, to the kitchen whilst making breakfast. I simply could not stop reading.

And when I finished I have never felt the way I did... ever.

It felt as if someone was slowly piercing my heart with a sharp icy knife.

It hurt so badly I couldn't even cry.

And honestly (MAJOR SPOILER ALERT, highlight for my feeling dump) 

{The ending wasn't gory enough for me, I wanted to literally see Peter's head cut off his shoulders and I swear if I hadn't been in the gym I might have just shrieked out of the utter madness that consumed me. And also at that part when her parents said "we want you to be happy" right before she married the King, that's about when I started feeling like I lost my heart and I believe I may have just gone a bit mad alongside Catherine.}

For about three days I WAS CATH. Her joy was mine and so was her pain. I have never gotten into a character's shoes like I did with Catherine. 

Now get ready for a bunch of aesthetics and the review of a fangirl gone mad

This post should be a crazy wonderland.

 ( I can't stop it with the puns, sorry not sorry xD)

Heartless

 Madness Lives Here

lemon tarts / roses / luscious food / 

I Loved & Didn't

 

Has Heartless spoiled you too? Or are you exempt from the ranks of us? If so it may be time to join...

Are you writing something currently? Are you going to do Camp Nano this April? Talk to me! :)

{ all pics via pinterest}

In the past almost two weeks, my family lost wifi due to some network issues.  (just regained it yesterday night)

And boy when you don't have internet anymore it hits you. 

Like whabam, truck to a little car hits you.

No more of my normal music, no more checking social media, no more pinterest  :) *gasps*, no more movies, no more youtube videos, no more homework help, no more texting friends, no more beta reading, no more blogging, no more checking stocks for my co-op's stock market game, no more collaboration and working on certain projects .

We are so dependent on the internet it's almost insane.

Seriously!

And during these two weeks without internet I have been deeply reflecting on the internet and how it affects our creativity and generally my realization has been that above anything...

the internet makes us so lazy,

At least for myself...when I'm sick and tired of my math homework, I pull up youtube or get lost on social media.

Currently I am feeling the consequences of that, I'm still at A's but getting to the point where I'm really worried about that test on Monday.

too much internet and your creative juices are just gone

I've only written a few thousand words these weeks but I've not written that much for almost half a year.

 But on a deeper note many of the problems we have from the internet are self inflicted.

It is my own laziness and lack of will that leads me to escape to youtube when I'm tired of dealing with my siblings or homework.

It is my own lack of determination that puts aside writing to dawdle on pinterest.

My own human weakness that will put entertainment above what is good for me.

Now don't get me wrong, the internet has also helped me in many ways.

From all of the awesome people and interactions I've been a part of

to the incredible inspo I have received from reading blogs and browsing pinterest 

There is a very fine balance between dangerous and helpful

Too much internet time will make you severly depressed

will make you lose sense of time and purpose

will dehydrate your creativity

and bring on a fake sense of having to build up this world that honestly doesn't even exist

But just enough and you are helping yourself with

incredible resources

interacting with a community similar to yourself

receiving inspiration

learning new things

Starting today as in picking up from last week, I am continuing my goal to be more purposeful about what I do here on the world wide web.

I would suggest you pull up the sticky note application on your computer before you even pull up google chrome (or whatever other browser you use :P) and write down everything you are hoping to accomplish in this session. Look at the time and be purposeful about when you are going to get off.

Even better, start the day by writing up a little schedule instead of searching your brain and thinking "Oh what do I have to do again??? Was it really that important??" You'll head off to your next task knowing what you have to do and your brain will feel SO refreshed from the switch of activity.

Honestly I really recommend the post Abiee published today: 5 Things You Should Be Doing EVERY DAY To Stay Creative + Focused!  She put all the gold in one post and I couldn't agree more with all of her statements. In fact I almost feel like she was the muse for my post today so please do check her post out!

A few more nuggets of advice? 

- Follow your inner clock. For example my creative flow always comes at night/evening for some weird reason. The evening/nighttime has always been the best writing time for me, so I generally try to make time for it then.

- Use modern tech to your advantage, download audiobooks for free on overdrive and listen to them on the road or while you are doing chores.

- Carry around your journal or a notebook so you can jot down thoughts when they come to you. So many of my poems would not exist today if it wasn't for recording an amazing line that just popped into my head.

- Don't procrastinate, answer emails as soon as you can. Complete your homework the soonest possible etc. You will make much better use of your time that way!

How does the internet help you? How does the internet bother you? Share your thoughts!

 And how are you all doing? How's life :)? 

I have a little cold that's mixing with allergies *sigh*  Also I finished Cress and azbxdhzk THE SHIPS, it's so good!!! I can't wait to start Winter. *squeals*

“‘I will take away their harvest,
declares the Lord.
    There will be no grapes on the vine.
There will be no figs on the tree,
    and their leaves will wither.
What I have given them
    will be taken from them.’”

(Jeremiah 8:13)

2. Favorite book?

My absolute favorite book is "Les Miserables". The plot is spotless and guaranteed for shockers

 literal footage of me at parts

And the characters *sobs* don't even get me started. The romance is the sweetest too. The book addresses tough and painful social issues, it swept me up into the crisis and really made me think. ALSO THE QUOTABLES, this book has the actual best quotes ever. Go read it...NOW! :")

3.  Do you like candles?

Yesss! I love candles!
*sniffs*
  Fall candles, winter candles, spring candles, summer candles.
I just love having a lingering scent in my room, it not only boosts the feel good vibe but brings back memories unlike anything.

4. Rainy day or sunshine?

 Honestly it really depends on what I'm doing, for the introvert days when I feel like baking at home with books, tea, and my writing RAIN. But when I'm out and about I love sunshine.
But there is something sort of magical about rain hitting the roof, I'm a bit biased haha.


5. Reading or writing? (Yes, this is an evil question)

This is quite evil but what may be more evil is that the choice is pretty easy for me. I would read anyday before writing because let's be honest,


 I"M REALLY LAZY SOMETIMES.

6. Team Cap or Team Iron Man?

*blasts national anthem*
 TEAM CAP
TEAMMMMM CAAAAAAPPPP 

Iron man cracks me up but listen...Steve is the absolute best. <3

absolutely unecessary but actually necessary *hyperventilates* *fangirls*

7. What’s your favorite word?

This is incredibly hard because lately I've been obsessing over and finding new words on Pinterest, so I'm constantly finding new favorite words. Currently though this one will not stop to amaze and intrigue me,
GUYS ITS AMAZING, THERE IS A WORD FOR ALMOST EVERYTHING...you just have to look for it.



8. If it could only be one season for an entire year, which would you choose?

spring. 
A beautiful time when flowers are blooming and the air is light. The weather not too warm or cold. The time filled where the world bubbles with sounds and smells of life.

The only possible problem I have with spring is sneezing all the time due to pollen allergies :) Eternal sneezing doesn't sound too fun but I feel like I'd get used to it in time.
 

9. What’s your favorite book of the bible?

More like books for the indecisive me :)
My favorites are
John, Psalms, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon

10. What were your favorite novels in middle school?

 Ooh, I loved Anne of Green Gables. To this day I will always have an obsession with red hair and freckles...and poetry :)

I was also pretty obsessed with American girl books, Dear America and the classic Nancy Drew. AND BOXCAR CHILDREN <333


11. If you could learn any language, what would it be?

Because I am utterly dysfunctional my heart is drawn to 2 languages that almost no one speaks:
Latin and Elven Sindarin.

12. Which do you like better: thunderstorms or blizzards?

 Thunderstorms. The feeling of standing out as the rain thrums the world and lightning flashes in the sky followed by the magnanimous crash of thunder. The power and awe the flashes through my soul each time I witness it is indescribable.

13. What’s someplace you’ve always wanted to visit?

I want to visit little gems that no one knows about, I just want to take a huge roadtrip and stop by those intriguing little cafes, dawdle in antique shops, take long walks on isolated beaches or hidden hikes. Sure there are some biggies I'd love to see...but nothing compares to those off the chart locations.



 11 Personal Facts

1. I'm partly double jointed
2. I love spicy stuff
3. I'm perfectly obsessed with anything having to do with stars or space
4. I'm the oldest child in my family
5. I've been out of the country more than once
6. My creative inspiration always strikes me in the evening or night
7. I was born in July
8. My first love: FOOD <3 xD
9. I speak 4 languages
10. I am 17 years old
11. I'm an ambivert, I'm generally more extroverted but need plenty of recharging time


 Well that's about it for the Liebster Award! What are 11 facts about you? Comment below!
How've you all been lately? How's life? How are the projects.
Talk to me below! <3

If clouds are full of water,
    they pour rain on the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
    in the place where it falls, there it will lie.
(Ecclesiastes 11:3)